No doubt the label has been affixed to me more than a few times, but here's my personal peeve list of those whom I consider worthy of the title. This list is nonstatic.

  • Leave the cigar band on after igniting the cigar. Tacky asshole.
  • Litter. Scum of the earth asshole.
  • Talk/text while driving. Reckless and selfish asshole.
  • Are racist. Racism has no point, for assholes come in all colors.
  • Martin Shkreli. Time will erase from our collective memory this morally bankrupt Turing Pharmaceuticals C. E. O. who upped the price of a life-saving drug by over 5,000% just because he could, but let's delay forgetting about this asshole for as long as is possible.
  • Fold money with the largest denomination - the same C-note they've been carrying for three years - on the outside. Poseur asshole.
  • Burn fog lamps with headlamps at all times. I'd like to take a cattle prod to the testicles of whoever launched this trend as acceptable. And I say testicles because you know the asshole was a guy. Fog lights are for fog, asshole.
  • Commute to work, alone, speeding (and of course on the phone), in full-size luxury SUVs and complain about the price of gasoline. Yuppie asshole.
  • Manage to make that solo commute with no budget constraints all year long, but for some reason, when piling the whole family into the Explorer for a week-long vacation, the price of fuel becomes prohibitive. Includes the asshole reporters who allow these assholes to whine about it on TeeVee every time the price goes up a few cents-per-gallon.
  • Use speakerphone for no good reason, or worse, to make uncomfortable the person at the other end. Check your power-play at the door, asshole.
  • Wear sunglasses when there's no reason to. Hide the eyes, hide the soul. Shades asshole.
  • Stop or creep beyond the line at traffic lights. What the hell does this accomplish other than to block the view or impair the turning of others? Over-the-line asshole.
  • Roll Coal. Filthy, dirty, stupid asshole.
  • Yes, some of them do nice, charitable things, but straight-pipe Harley riders. Especially in packs. At 0200 hours. Sweet music to your ears may be jarring and irritating noise tearing through the night and into to the ears of others. Sonic asshole.

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